Of course, my earliest memories are
of my mom. In the beginning, when my Dad
would go off to work, it would be just the two of us in that apartment on
Payson Avenue in Inwood in New York City.
But of course, within a few years we’d been joined by my four siblings. It seems amazing that all seven of us lived in
that small ground floor apartment in Inwood.
Even more amazing was that in that small apartment with an infant, two
toddlers girls, two little boys and a cop husband who worked round-the-clock, she
decided get for us kids… a dog. A really
wired wire hair fox terrier.
It seems like a bit much, but looking
back, that was my mom. She would do
anything for us, anything to make us happy, no matter how much harder it made
her life. For her and for our father, it
was all about the kids, all about us.
My parents scrimped and saved and
finally got enough money to buy a house out here in Rockland County. This was big adventure for all of us. But at first it also must have been hard on
my mom. She was suddenly cut off from
friends and relatives who stayed in the city.
Long before the internet and Facebook, I remember my mom sitting on the
steps in our house, trying to stay in touch via long phone calls to her friends
back in the city. But Congers was good
for the kids, so there she was. And she
never complained.
My mom and Dad quickly found out that
having five kids and a mortgage on a cop’s salary was hard to pull off, so as
soon as we were old enough, my mom went to work to help keep the whole thing
afloat. She drove school busses. She did catering. She took care of kids whose parents had to
work late. She did all of this while prioritizing the needs of the family.
She never had time for herself. I remember at one point she wanted to learn
to play the guitar. She signed up for
lessons, but I think the demands of life crowded them out. She had her
priorities – us.
But of course we also had a lot of
fun. The annual two week trips to Ocean
Beach (seven of us in a small sandy bungalow) were great. So were the backyard parties with my
grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My mom and dad loved the house in
Congers and they loved watching us all grow up there. Like I said, my mom struggled and made a lot
of sacrifices, but make no mistake -- we all grew up in a very happy home,
knowing that we were the center of the universe for our mom and dad.
Our mom’s commitment to family
extended into the next generation. I was
stunned when we found out that our son Billy was arriving about six weeks
early. I hadn’t bought all the required
baby stuff. I didn’t even have a car
seat. But my mom and dad jumped in the
car and while I was in the hospital with Elisa and newly arrived Billy, my mom
fully furnished and equipped Billy’s room. I’ll never forget the relief and
gratitude in Elisa’s eyes when she saw what my mother had done for us. Even when we were adults, our mom was willing
to drop everything to come to our assistance.
She was always a wonderful mother.
As she grew older, and especially
after my dad passed away, the house at 55 Waters Edge became more and more
important to her. It was a place filled
with wonderful memories. It was
everything to her. At first she would
travel to visit us – and believe me, she was on some amazing overseas
adventures – but as she grew more infirm she took refuge in that house of good
memories. It was very hard, but my
sister Maura worked diligently for years to keep her where she was happy. We all owe Maura a debt of gratitude for the
wonderful care she gave our mom all those years.
During her last few months, as my
mom’s thinking became more and more foggy, the importance of her family
remained clear. I’d call her and ask how
she was doing. In hushed tones she’d
tell me that the kids – the five of us -- were all still sleeping. Most poignantly, she’d ask me when my father
was coming home. Family was always her priority. She was a wonderful mother.
We will miss her so much. Thank you all for helping us on this difficult day.
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